i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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