I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize