Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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