Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
