it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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