I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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