A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
