Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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