The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
