well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
