I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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