Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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