i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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