God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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