i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
