he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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