I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
