i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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