Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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