her vagine was all disorganized.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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