So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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