Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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