I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
