he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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