Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
