apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
