We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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