bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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