I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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