Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I love you.
Bad choice
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
