I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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