whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Houston, we have a squirter
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
