he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
