I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
