really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
