There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize