I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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