Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My feet surprised me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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