Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
