It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
