I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
