I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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