I puked a lego.
He felt like a one man threesome
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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