He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
