I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
