If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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