You made me cry and you don't even care
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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