She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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