i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
