So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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