Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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