we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
