We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
