I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
