I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
