im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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