1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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