I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
