then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
