I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need to sanitize my soul.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
