When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
