hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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