wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm at about main and main street
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
