I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
