Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
