A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
