since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
