why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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