i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize